I was talking tonight to my special friend. The amazing guy I am dating. And we talked about how some people handle adversity in life. And others? Well, they kind of give up and fold their cards. Unwilling I suppose to confront the reality of the situation.
In my books, there are two major things that completely derail your life. First, news of a terminal diagnosis. Nothing is more tragic than knowing you are heading to the end far quicker than you thought you would. Everything changes in that moment, doesn’t it?
The second derailing life incident is the unexpected loss of a job. Without notice. That happened to me on January 20, 2022. And my whole world (which was just starting to get resolved, healed, solidified, and positively social) teetered in front of me like a house of cards.
Bloody. Effing. Hell.
Here Today Gone Tomorrow: The False Sense of Security of Salaried Work
And, to make matters harder emotionally, a job loss absolutely not related to your job performance. In fact, I know I excelled at my job. I was even responsible for devising the lead-generation strategy that ultimately, made the company more attractive to buy. Oooooh leads! Lots of them.
And then the acquisition that wasn’t expected to go through, went through. And we got one day of notice of our final pay that week. On Thursday a short email said the company was acquired and all staff was terminated effective immediately. The possibility of some staff being rehired by the new parent company never materialized.
No severance. I did have nine (9) days of vacation pay which apparently, the employer was not required to payout. He did anyway. I am grateful for that. I should have been banking more money, but expenses kept coming up. Massive dental work, sick dog, new tires for the car. It seemed every month I was fighting some kind of unexpected huge expense. That made rebuilding my savings impossible.
But I should have been ready for it. Despite the fact that I was often working seven (7) days per week. I was exhausted if I am being honest with you. It made subcontracting evenings and weekends (as I usually do) difficult. I was loyal to my company.
I gave 300%. In the end, I was just a name on a piece of paper. One that didn’t get acquired with the company (as our leadership discussed was 75% probable). And as I listened to comforting words from family and friends, I faded briefly. Into a dark room, with no light.
Giving Everything and Feeling Like I Got Nothing
The vacation time I didn’t take didn’t matter. The sacrifice I made for my employer? That didn’t matter. I had let my own consultancy pause indefinitely while I poured all my talent and efforts into my employer’s company. Business is business, right? And CEOs wonder why talented workers become self-employed instead. You know you can trust yourself, not to screw yourself over.
Ultimately, any employee is disposable. No matter how much we want to delude ourselves, that fact remains true. At a certain level of wealth and power, the average worker (or above-average talented hardworking superstah) doesn’t matter. So long, and thanks for the fish! Dollars over people. What is more American than that?
Any job, however, well you perform, is a false sense of security. Particularly in a pandemic. Lesson learned. And here I thought 2022 was going to be the year that stuff was just peaceful, smooth, productive, and successful? Way to kick me in the Xbox right out of the gate.
Paralyzing Fear Steps Up to the Plate
And I dispaired. My anxiety kicked in and I went into emotional shock. Was I going to be okay? Unemployment doesn’t come close to paying all my bills. Was I going to lose my car? I’ve never had a repossession (and I love my car!). My father is estranged and my mother isn’t able to help financially (not that I would expect her to). They never have helped me. Ever.
By the third day, my inner adult voice piped up.
Me: “What the holy sh*t am I going to do?”
Inner Adult: “Dust yourself off, and come up with a rapid recovery plan”.
Me: “Why does this keep happening to me? These catastrophes that I have to fight through like a MF’ing Joan of Arc? I am sick of this sh*t!”
Inner Adult: “Irrelevant and not contributing to the solution. You had your freak out. Now act like an adult and tackle this head-on. Because curling up in a ball isn’t an option. No one will come and save you. You know this song kid… the warrior that saves everyone must also save themself. You don’t quit. You never fold. That is who you are. A fighter, right? Or are you a pu**y?”
Me: “I’m a warrior. I’ve been so happy lately, I am not going to let ANYTHING take that away from me. I will make sh*t happen. My Aunt raised me to be a military tank. We don’t stop for anything, and we don’t quit. We never fold, and we’re not starting now.”
Inner Adult: “Welcome back…”.
Fear: “Hey babes, wasssssssup?”
Inner Adult and Me [In unison]: SHUT UP!
In the garden of my heart, my Zia Antonietta smiled. And I heard her voice. “Calabrese women are tough. We don’t take ‘no’ for an answer. And we always find a way, girl.”
Yes. We. Do.
I am the Unsinkable Molly Brown. And it takes more than an iceberg to my hull to make me drown. I will figure out a way. I will find a way somehow. I always do. I am my Aunt’s daughter. And I deserve this life, a great job, happiness with new friends and adventures, and locking lips with quite possibly, the best kisser in Travis County. <3
I will win. Because I don’t stop throwing everything I have at a problem until I do. I have faith in the girl staring back in the mirror. She’s been through worse, and come out on top.
Let’s do this.