She likes to keep things short.
One big difference in personality type between my sister Kim and I is that I will tell you everything you want to know. In fact, given enough time I will tell you everything you never asked to know about me because I have this innate desperation to connect with other human beings even though, from time time time, I consider myself to be a visitor to your planet.
I’m from planet writer.
I stalked her on LinkedIn. For no reason and every reason you could probably fathom that a woman, missing her estranged sister, would try to check in on her. Now the thing about my LinkedIn is that it appears anonymous. I scope out people frequently for networking, special projects and sometimes compare my expertise to others in my field. In other words I creep people in my profession weekly (and so does everyone else for the record). Or at least the kind of experts that consult and grow their business opportunities. I make no apologies.
And there she was.
And there I was reading the information and gleaning a little from it. And instead of making me feel better, it made me miss her more. And then I cried because for a frigid, rock hearted bitch… I am pretty sensitive. And when I stopped crying I hit the FOLLOW button on LinkedIn, forgetting for a second that when you follow someone, your name becomes uncloaked like a Klingon war ship engaging forward weapons.
Fuuuuuuuck. Smooth like that right? Double fuuuuck.
And that was days ago.
And this afternoon I got five words from my sister. At the time I saw them on my phone, I was sitting in the pseudo-Manhattan facade of New York, New York hotel in Las Vegas. Here for a short vacation tag-a-long with my husband who is on convention. Don’t worry… Diego, Rico and Dante have the best LIVE IN (you heard me) house/pet sitter money could buy for the four days we are away. I love Brandi. She gets my neuroses and sends me text messages and pictures of the dogs (and assassin kitten) daily.
What?!?! Whatever. It was either a live-in or no Vegas.
I was eating at the time. I choked on what I was eating because apparently, my throat did not have the sense to swallow before closing in on itself with the tears that were poorly executed by my brain. I needed 1-3 more chews to have navigated that more safely and possibly a swallow of Diet Pepsi (I know I know… vacation).
Between the tears and hacking coughs, dropping my phone and spilling my soda (shit goes bad when I get emotional … quickly) there were five words from my baby sister.
And they were the most beautiful words I have ever seen. Besides the ones emailed to me in April of 2012. That was Kevin giving me a second chance.
I was praying about my sister last week. And then I creeped her on LinkedIn and messed up the FOLLOW part. And it took her about five days to send me five words, that made about fifty people in the casino stare at me like I was a loser. Which I can be, definitely in the moment of that emotional stuff that I so poorly handle at times.
I sent her about 400 words back. This will make her cringe, and she may skim it to be honest. But it was about her nephews, and pecan trees, and Diego and my inability to make eye contact with a wild alligator despite living so close to “The Swamp People” as seen on T.V.
But the five words I hope she saw were: “I miss you so much.”
Post cannoli choking … and crying, nose blowing and picking up assorted dropped shit I could see her in my head. And I tried out my mental telepathy, even though I have none.