I got a new job. <— This smile is quite a lot bigger than you can fathom on a blog post. The environment is awesome, the management team is dynamic and creative and my colleagues are wonderful.
As I signed the contract last week I was giddy with excitement and gratitude. Now, to be clear I am like… never giddy. I recall giddy sometime in the last four years, but rarely in the last two while I walked the hot coals over this transition.
Ah… transition. How I love you. NOT!
I love my new job. I love the opportunities to create and support the brand messaging for this new company, and I love the product line. Our spokespeople and investors are people you might have heard about. Troy Aikman, Larry North, Leisa Hart (yes her buns are still made of steel) and most recently our Company announced a new strategic partnership with wellness and life coach, Dr. John C. Maxwell.
I’ve always had a thing for Troy Aikman. Praying to God I am never presenting or backstage with him at one of our events. I’ll definitely be the chick that trips on the power cables and turns the arena black.
Yep. Smooth like dat. We have cardboard marketing cut-outs of Troy that almost make me trip for God’s sake. But then again so does my husband when he wears Polo Red. I digress…
I am doing a little bit of work right now, but enjoyed a wonderful “date” weekend with my husband. We dined, we shopped, I picked out a few new (affordable) outfits to wear to the office which I desperately needed. Things are so much more affordable in Texas and Kevin and I are frugal shoppers. Style on a dime baby! (I let Kevin pick them out because I have no fashion sense).
You heard me. My husband LOVES clothes shopping. I am a lucky, lucky girl!
Friday night I went to Nordstrom for the first time and got sticker shock. Holy shit… the prices. I only ventured in because they had a MAC cosmetics counter and I desperately needed a few items.
Imagine me hastening to the shoe section (naturally I went there first) and picked up a gorgeous pair of boots… $399.00
Next I picked up a pair of sensible office shoes. The flat, boring kind that you can wear all day at a convention.
Clearly I will not be shopping at Nordstrom. But I’ve been to one now. Check out my American-isms.
After all the fun yesterday I had a long cuddle with my husband (over sharing I know… deal with it). And he asked me why I have been so distant lately. Over sensitive.
And I cried on his arm for a good hour about my feelings. Missing my sister and wondering what on earth I did to her to make her hate me the way she does. Furious at “thewomanformerlyknownasmymother” for throwing me under the bus for the last time ever in her life.
That listening to everyone’s thanksgiving plans in the office last week hurt my heart a little. So I brightened up my smile and sense of humor instead, choosing to make it a fun week even though I felt that holiday malaise creeping in.
I think it was good to cry. I try to keep that shit on the down-low most of the time. But I let it out last night. All of it. The words. The memories. The experience. The confusion because in my world, if you are nice to people they should simply be nice back to you.
I forget that for some reason I am immune to jealousy, the element that is to blame for ending more friendships or relationships than any other factor on the planet.
They weren’t jealous of what I had; because I had very little.
They weren’t jealous of what I did for fun; I had very little of that too.
They were jealous of who I was. Someone who is honest, loving, steady, strong … and adaptive. Someone who never waves the white flag, no matter how improbable victory seems. Someone who was genuinely happy for the happiness of others, without envy.
Someone who wanted to love and be loved, and understood with a small, understandable penchant for small dogs with big attitudes.
And my husband reminded me of the house we *think* we’ve moving into on the 1st of December. A beautiful house with a big back yard, two peach trees and large shade trees. With built in boxes for my daisies.
He reminded me of getting to decorate our new house and set up home, the way I have wanted to since we got here. And the simple luxury of having a bright, cheery place for my office. God willing and fingers crossed we get it.
December is all about roots. Not lamenting the lack of roots but planting the new ones. About buying our first Christmas tree together. About family time. About exciting, prospering business careers. About trucking forward with a momentum that gets us where we are supposed to be. Responsible Taurus folks that we are.
And a very very very very big television.
The blessing of a husband who is a best friend. We laugh and have fun, snuggle up and support each other through it all. Because together since 2011 we have seen it all really. From break up to reunion, to long distance dating and scrounging for plane tickets. Years of grinning and kisses through Skype. Frustration and disappointment, disruption and dismay. Health scare and surgery, and flying by the seat of our pants to make it all work on a dime budget.
And only to wink at the folks who thought we’d never make it. We survived. And we’re getting ready to thrive. The next chapter will be even better than the last because we work hard on our life, every single day.
My weekend reminded me that everything I had prayed for, was bestowed on me. The amazing husband, children, big social family and a future that never, ever, ever, EVER involves shoveling snow. Or taking out the garbage (I really hate that chore).
You make your family. Some are born with one that works, and others must architect their own version from family members and friends.
And while part of my heart aches for the biological family that fell apart years ago… God sailed me into the arms of a strong, fun and loving family here in Texas. In time, I’ll figure out where I belong in that family. For now, it’s on the couch petting dogs and watching Uncle Mike cat nap and snore softly.
But this life… is good. At last. And about to get even better as my roots settle into my new home here in Texas.
And the cool new job? Canadian girl is very happy to have health benefits again… and is starting to get to know her new-coworkers and management team. And excited about showing them what I can do when I feel completely settled.
Even without the job, without any money… would be the partner I found who loves me every day of the week like I am a treasure. That is a gift. The most incredible gift, a man that reminds me that even with nothing, we’d still have everything.
And then I go fold some clothes so he doesn’t see the tear. And remember that when someone loves you, you just ‘know’. And when family or friends don’t love you back, you can’t really figure out what you did wrong because you didn’t… chances are they lacked the capacity to do anything but take you for granted.
And losing a loving, strong and generous person from your life is quite punishment enough I think. But I don’t need to flog my insides about it anymore. It takes away from my new life (which is awesome).
Eat your heart out (if you can find it). My life is infinitely better without cruel, negative or malicious people in it.