A Great State Fair

MenMy comment on Facebook after spending all day at the Texas State Fair was this:

“Something I never really thought of until we got to the State Fair. We’re a house of Taurus’. Every time I think… “oooh so stubborn” I am going to chuckle from now on.

There is tired… then there is “wrangled twin eight year old Taurus’ at the State Fair all day” tired… LOL! Worth every dime and sore muscle. Completely rocked their worlds.”

And we did.

And I am sore as hell.  And we spent a fortune today which is painful for people who are normally quite frugal.  But yes, worth every dime and ache tonight because it was their first time at a large fair ground and we completely altered their life experience today.

And that’s awesome.   Because we don’t know what’s going to happen next week you see.  The lump is back, and for a day, Logan was too tired to ask questions about it.  In fact, it didn’t exist for him today.

And that was a good thing.

Big TexAs for me, my heart was full of steering them through the crowd and absorbing little Step-Mom moments that made me feel like a Mom.  I’m not a Mom.  I am not even sure I am a Step-Mom yet since I feel like I have so much more to learn.

But today I packed extra kleenex, antibacterial wet wipes and hand sanitizer, mints (forgot the band aids) but brought the backpack that allowed me to be a Mommy-Like Sherpa for things like stuffed animals and giant plastic trumpets and ride tickets.

Lot’s and lot’s of ride tickets.

Certain things tug at me.  Flash backs from going to Canada’s Wonderland with my parents and cousins.

My parents yelled at us during each line.  I pulled out “Angry Birds” to keep them occupied in the long line for the Ferris Wheel.

Terri would complain about being tired, or be busy talking shit about Domenic.  I was busy playing the “flick” game or hugging them.  Or drawing circles on their back.  Or bending over to kiss them on the cheek or whisper something funny to make them laugh.

“You are like my third 8-year old today” said Kevin.  I suppose that was supposed to pull in my behavior.  Instead I was like “BEST COMPLIMENT EVEH!”

WipeoutThose who really know me, know I am a kid inside.  And a fun one, when I let her out to play.

I negotiated to get TWO stuffed animals when only one kid qualified.  I also negotiated to get two new Happy Meal toys WITHOUT the Happy Meal.   Step-Mommy has super powers!

And it was hard to steer them through the crowds.  Adjust their manners and help them contain their excitement.  Teach them things that were educational (we saw baby chickens hatching and neat stuff).  Teaching them to be mindful and polite.  Teaching them to be good company.

Showing them how much we love them by spending time with them.  Which is what our son Lucas said at the end of the day.

Me: “Son what was your favorite ride today?”

Lucas: “It was spending time together with my family.”

Me: “I said ‘ride’ Lucas.”

Lucas: “Well that was better than the rides.”

And so I rolled my eyes and called him a mush ball, and attempted to shrug it off like non-girly Step-Mommy that I am.

But that statement went all the way in, if you know what I mean.  Which means it will likely stay there forever.

I am no longer a hip single woman, talking about dating like it is a sporting event.  I care less about cocktails than I do about Skylander games and homework.    I only wear high heels for business things… today I was the vision of the soccer mom I’ve sometimes… pointed at.  Running shoes.  Jean capris.  A CK sweatshirt and one of those mom looking back pack thingies.

And wet wipes… extra kleenex and sanitizer.  Which was good because their allergies were acting up, and Lucas tripped and skinned his knee a little.  Talk about feeling cool that I had all the junk to kind of fix him up.

I felt… Mom-like.

That penchant and desire to be someone wonderful in their lives doesn’t come from my parents.  It comes from my Auntie.  My God Parents.  The parents of some of my closest friends.  My brother-in-law.   Kevin’s Aunts.

And I realized I have been molded by the influence of some amazing parents.   They just were not my own parents, and that’s fine.

Even when I make a mistake my Step-Son’s think the world of me because they know I try very hard. Kids do not expect you to be perfect, but they do know without question … when you love them.

It’s not what’s said or spent.  It’s what is done every hour we’re with them.  It’s not told, it’s felt.

Kids just know, don’t they?  They absorb and seek love, and acutely recognize the absence of it.   I always did.

And I am a better Mother because I remember that feeling, and strive to never make them question or evaluate what is in my heart for them.

They will always just know they are my heart and my life.  They feel it when I draw little hearts on their backs with my finger.  I feel it when they turn around and smile quietly back.