I reached the title at the upper echelon of the marketing career path. Two years ago, I became a Chief Marketing Officer. Sure, there are people who wake up one day, after a few years of marketing, and then designate themselves a CMO.
Then there are people like me, who have earned the title.
Back in 2007, Facebook was this brand new thing. I was invited to a Beta group (it was a lottery) and I got in early. There are not many marketing professionals who have a Facebook profile that dates back to 2007 (but I do). You have to be a marketing type to get why that is a flex.
Social media was something nerds did. Most people back then, had no clue, except the digital denizens. You know, the gamers, and people who were hanging out and chatting in places like MySpace and GeoCities.
It was actually in GeoCities that I got my first taste of digital publishing. I wrote a lot of poems. I was shocked to learn that some people liked them. *shrug* I designed my first WordPress website solo in 2009. The same year that my “single girl” blog was averaging over 20,000 unique visits per month.
Critique Is Part of Any Professional Job (But Few People Like It)
But work life is different. When I operated my marketing agency for over ten years, I experienced being told I was wrong (when I wasn’t) by people who thought they were marketing experts (and were not). In that process, there was a shift inside me, that realized as an experienced person in my profession, my job was to explain “the why” and not just “the how,” and let the results speak for my expertise.
And be patient, when people didn’t get it.
In other words, I learned that if everyone you worked with was at the same level as you, in terms of marketing chops, they would not need you, would they? Therefore, patience and understanding became key, and the secret to my success. That and the incredible creative chops. While most freelancers were struggling to keep clients, many businesses worked with me for over six years.
In consulting, that’s rare. #Doubleflex
I love marketing so much, that I enjoy teaching it. For a spell, I sought out women who wanted to work from home. Or rather, those who needed to work from home for a variety of reasons. Single mothers, and one lady whose mother had cancer, were able to take my free training and mentorship and create a lucrative income for themselves.
Helping people makes me happy. Animals too. How do you think I ended up with four rescue dogs and a female chihuahua from a relative of my former? I like taking care of things. I like mentoring quite a lot, because once upon a time I had the best kind of woman mentor me into a path that I never fathomed for myself. Since then, I have always tried to pay that great cosmic kindness forward, because it was life-changing for me.
People Like To Be Liked By Default
One of my worst flaws (there are many) is that I value being liked. In fact, for most of my life, if I was not liked by someone, it was a mortal wound. I defaulted to blaming myself (immediately) and bearing the full brunt of accountability for any relationship (romantic, or platonic) that failed.
For the record, my best friend Diane has tolerated me for twenty-five years. I value loving, reciprocal, and beautiful relationships. More than some perhaps, because our family life wasn’t the best when we were kids. I am grossly understating that fact, but prefer not to dwell there.
It took a long time for me to realize in itself, that desire to be liked and blame one’s self when you are not liked, was wrong. Know why? At the most, in any given relationship, you are only 50% of the equation. Good or bad, you are responsible for your output, behavior, and demeanor. On the other side is another human being who is equally responsible for the same things.
Ergo, if something ends badly, you were 50% of the problem (not 100%). Even in the most toxic friendships (I’ve had a couple) and romantic partners (okay, I’ve had more than a couple of those), I see my accountability. Most of the time, that accountability is for accepting exploitative and abusive behavior longer than perhaps others do.
I am stubborn. I don’t like to fail at anything. Especially relationships.
It is normal to want to be liked and to enjoy being liked. But how often do you suppress your feelings, or your dignity, and self-respect, to keep a relationship going with the illusion that it is a good partnership? My eagerness to see the good in people I care deeply about, also left me in harm’s way far longer than it should have. I thought that resilience in the face of mistreatment was some kind of badge of honor, proving that I was deeply committed to the relationship.
During my second divorce, I outgrew that. When I saw that I should have left three years earlier than I did. So determined not to be a woman who was divorced twice. I mean, seriously? What does that say about me? A nice lady I met in Austin summed it up better: “You aren’t stupid. Your people-picker was broken.” I thought that was a great perspective.
Division Between Work and Personal Life
I am obsessive about listening to podcasts about marketing, design, branding, and human behavior. You see, I have a lot of empathy, and understanding how human beings behave makes me a more empathic marketer. It’s an essential skill, to be able to feel what your target consumer feels and know what they need, and value from a product or service.
So, I listen to a lot of human behavior podcasts. By proxy, this helps me also understand myself, and my own behaviors. But in the workplace, it helps me separate my personal life (and emotions) from my career. There is a wall between them.
Okay, I am not always great at leaving work stress at the office. I work from home. That shit follows me everywhere, but I am actively building new muscle around that. Work is work. Home is home. Life is short. Let it go.
That is because the relationships in my personal life are not tied to performance metrics. I am not watching Brent on the stage, looking around and thinking… could I be doing this Saturday night better? Are other people doing their Saturday better than I am? Is my Saturday night good enough?
Marketing is a science. Sure, there are shysters everywhere, posing as marketing professionals because they took a couple of courses, look good in a golf shirt, and talk a good game. FYI, the more marketing buzzwords you drop, the more I will think you are full of shit. Posers do that habitually.
I went to College and University for marketing. I launched my career in marketing and kept climbing, learning, growing, and honing my skills. When digital marketing exploded in 2008, I was already an early adopter, and madly in love with the evolution of the science (and proliferation) of my craft.
Caring For The People You Work With
I always care about my coworkers. Shout out to Rahila, my dear friend, who worked with me at the College of Pharmacists for many years. Want to know what love is? Giving your employer four months’ notice of your departure, continuing to drive (5) hours per day round trip to work, so that you could train your “work bestie” into your role, and a promotion. I did that for her and my department.
I also worked on the training manual, while on short-term disability, recovering from a life-saving surgery. That’s dedication, man.
When I left, they had a big party, complete with catering and a fancy suitcase-shaped cake (with a Texas flag on it). Want to know a secret? I didn’t need to work those months. I was already making twice my salary with my part-time agency work. But that was how I honored my employer, and my work BFF. It was an integrity thing and an act of love (and service).
One chapter ended as another new adventure began. I cried in the parking lot before driving home. It was important to me, and I would miss that job for the rest of my life. (Even though some people drove me absolutely bat shit crazy).
One of those people I discovered, died from cancer this year. I cried then too, because I really liked her.
If I may critique myself as a marketing executive (and boss) now, I would say that I still care too much. Work is not family. Work is work. But when you are managing younger people, I feel you have a responsibility to teach them. Lead by example. If you love marketing, you try to make it fun, all the while knowing that no twenty-something or early thirty-something thinks work is ever fun.
I mean, seriously, right?
I have been told I care more than I should. I’ve experienced a couple of toxic workplaces, where creative people were burned and churned. In my agency, when I worked with freelancers, I made sure to respect their creativity and the space or Zen they needed to do their best work. You see, creativity isn’t an assembly line. If you treat writers or designers, or web denizens like machines, you get shitty work, and a toxic relationship with them.
The balance between creative space and productivity is often precarious. But working my way up from Jr. Marketing Assistant making lattes for the President, to running my own agency and hiring people from other countries, taught me so much about that balance. Am I perfect? Nope. No one is, and I am as fallible as the next guy. Because I am human too.
But I care. A lot. I try to always show them the respect they deserve, by giving ample time and clear instructions. Someone once suggested that I have “toxic positivity” with those I manage, meaning, I keep a positive attitude as often as possible, and acknowledge them when they do outstanding work. I think praise for good work is important. I got so little of that, coming up through the ranks.
Most leadership experts say, however, that appreciation and recognition contribute to healthy work relationships and teams. I agree.
I like my management style. People learn best when they are acknowledged, and receive positive feedback when they hit a home run. They receive (private) coaching and critique when they don’t meet expectations, in terms of quality of work or behavior.
I am an organizational juggernaut and an ace at workflow management. I hate being micromanaged and therefore, I try not to do that to my team either. But I still have to be the locomotive.
Bosses should do more than assign work and point out errors, in my opinion. They should teach, mentor, encourage, and guide. I have had some great managers in my career. They are the ones that taught me the most and helped me level up. I take my inspiration from those managers who helped get me where I am today and try to pay that kindness forward.
Everyone wants to grow, and make more money. Good managers are integral in that process.
Leaders Have To Be Okay With Not Being Liked
As much as you want to be liked, you have to understand that you are also the person in a position that makes it hard for your team to like you. For example, you are the person who assigns work to them (yuck), and deadlines (double yuck) and holds them accountable to those deadlines (positively Gestapo!)
You are also the person who critiques their work. I mean, how can you like someone who periodically says that what you have created isn’t good enough? It is never personal. It is quality assurance. Nonetheless, people don’t like being judged. Or managed really. Most people do not like their immediate manager. I usually love mine (which is weird, I know).
Having worked in marketing since, oh God, 1998? I have learned not to take constructive criticism personally. Look, my work has been scrutinized so much, that it no longer offends me. It isn’t supposed to offend anyone, when the goal is to do our best work together, as a team.
Sometimes, you can forget that your Manager is accountable for the quality of all work emanating from the department. If you think it sucks being held accountable for your own work? Try being on the hook for everyone’s work AND your own.
I like the challenge of achieving that quality in my professional work. At the same time, I understand that others do not have twenty-five years of marketing, and over fifteen years of digital marketing (for domestic and global SPs and brands) under their belt.
One thing I keep with me, that originated from my Dad, is a saying he had as a manager. I believe at one point, he had a shift of over two hundred folks who were accountable to him and an army of supervisors. The big bad plant manager, however, was very well-loved by the manual laborers at Carlton Cards in Toronto.
“There is nothing more unequal than
the equal treatment of unequals.”
My Dad’s take on it was punitive. However,. I absorbed that differently. Don’t expect everyone to be at your level. Help them get there (if they are motivated to grow) but remember what your skills were like after 2-3 years of marketing?
Until those good leaders helped you to hone your skills. Even if you copped an attitude about it because you couldn’t see the bigger picture.
My Personal Mantra: Love Your Job Or Leave
I can’t work for someone I hate. Or someone who treats people badly. Culture matters to me. You can be a good manager, but if you are in a toxic work culture? You need to get out and find a better company. There are so many to choose from.
When it comes to jobs (and past agency clients) I prefer long-term commitments. I am either madly in love with my company, or I don’t stay. Long tenure is the norm in my long work experience. I’m usually very good at picking companies to work for, but sometimes, that intuition misfires. Some companies are really good at hiding their toxic.
Remember how I always give polite and professional LONG notice before departure? It’s a respect thing. I nearly developed an ulcer, watching how they treated good people. I was not the only one planning an exodus as quickly as possible.
You see, they had fired everyone the same way. The worker (no matter how valuable and integral) gave the general two weeks’ notice and planned to train their replacement, as good people do. They fired them and did not compensate them for unused vacation days. It was pretty horrible. It’s illegal to do that, where I am from.
Labor laws in the United States are pretty shameful. Companies don’t get away with that power play in Canada; there are laws that protect workers from employer bullying. In fact, companies face big fines for that stuff, and it is easy (and free) for an employee to file a legal grievance.
Consequently, I think businesses in Canada conduct themselves better.
A year later, I learned that over thirty people were fired by an angry CEO. They were gathered in a room together, like an emotional slaughterhouse, and verbally abused before being “group fired”. My instincts were correct. Making tens of millions of dollars per year doesn’t make you a good leader, or company.
In the workplace, it is the greater good of the team. I’m okay with not being liked, as long as everyone is professional and polite. I don’t always like everyone I work with either (shocking, right?) Not that you could tell, because as a professional, I treat everyone with respect. Even the ones that have not earned it.
That’s who I AM.
Years later in my career, I figured out how hard professional leadership was, as well as how many truly caustic leaders are out there. Yuck. But for every “bad leader” I have experienced, I have worked for or with amazing professionals who were a joy. It’s a net positive for me. I am in touch with almost every great boss or client I have ever had, still, to this day.
Relationships matter. And word of mouth gets around, from current or past employees. Your business reputation falters if your culture is horrible. People like doing business with companies who treat their employees well.
I feel like some leaders have forgotten how important business reputation is, in that regard.
You Can’t Fake Caring About People
In some companies, everyone is expendable. Interestingly, the organizations that treat their employees well (ample vacation, paid statutory holidays, feedback, active listening, growth opportunities, mutual respect, and recognition) outperform other companies that view every chair as replaceable.
I always look at employer reviews on Indeed, or Glassdoor for a read on the “real culture” of the organization. Most of the time, negative feedback from current or past employees is the red flag you need to pay close attention to. It’s usually quite accurate.
I like working with (and for) companies that value their team. I try to emulate that behavior in my own management style. You get to choose what kind of manager you will be. I’ve had people reach out years later, telling me how much they loved working with me, or how they learned so much from me.
That feels good. 🙂
