I like being outside as much as possible. It is little wonder that, while some people complain about walking their dogs, I don’t. I consider it a beautiful part of my day. Sure, sometimes it’s a little rushed. And boy does it suck when it is raining. I was used to having a backyard and that was easier.
Now, you try walking five chihuahuas together. I’m darned talented. That stuff is chaos. I have learned which dogs go on the tri-tandem leash, and which ones go on the second one, with just two. It’s a personality thing. Some dogs have to lead, while others prefer to follow.
I didn’t sleep well last night. I was agitated but mostly, just sad I guess. A misunderstanding happened and some of the things said were pretty mean. If it was a random person talking to me like that, my responses would have been different. But it was someone I thought I liked, a lot actually. I tried to tiptoe through the minefield. I felt sad by my ability to trigger these waves of hostility. And I wasn’t even sure what I had done wrong.
Retrospectively, some people just don’t get along. That’s okay I guess. I try to. I like people. I want nice people in my local periphery. I guess I imagined it. And with that fact, I suppose I fabricated an emotional attachment that didn’t (and would never) exist. Would have been hot… I felt it. Too bad he didn’t.
Hey, single girl, misfires are okay. Just means you are learning (again) how to date. Trying to figure out what you like, and what you don’t like. And to be honest, are you looking for something serious right now? Not super serious. Not like, marriage potential, smothering, infringe on my freedom… woah. So that would be a resounding ‘no’. Lonely is one thing; but I like being single most days. Party of one and accountable to none. But my dogs.
Haz batteries and USB ports… will survive. There is always chocolate and bubble baths. Oh, and wine! Life is good.
A Long Walk After My Dog Walk
I wanted to walk further. The dog walk did me a little good, but I wanted to get my pulse going. Get into that sweet spot where all you hear is the rhythmic beating of your heart and your breath. In, and out. Now, sex can put me into that state too but since that’s not readily (or safely available) at this time, endorphins kick in with walking. Cool cool.
So I gave the dogs their morning treat and headed back out. And started walking. I had two hours before work started to walk. Jogged a little. Remembered I wasn’t wearing a sports bra (boobs hurt), so went back to fast walking. There it was. The deliberate rhythmic pace I love. Breathing in, and breathing out. Brisk fresh air. Sunshine, birds, and trees.
Ahhhhhhh! Heaven. Some really cool things are getting cleaned up, and growing in my career. I am on the right track. I am doing well. And I don’t need any negativity to distract me from my purpose or trajectory. Not now. Actually, not ever again.
Swipe Left Swipe Right? Oooh… Hello
When I got back I had the runner’s high. My legs and arms were tingling. I felt happy, energetic, alive, and focused. Reminder to self, more exercise! It’s a natural feel-good boost. What seemed so sad and cruel the night before was completely moot. What is the big deal? There wasn’t one. Was he out of line? Yep. Does it matter that he doesn’t understand that? Nope. He is out of my periphery and no longer a focus of my attention or energy.
I mean, that’s not what I want, but what choice do I have? I literally trigger every defense in him. And I have no clue how I do it. But I have to walk away. It’s hurting my feelings.
That’s not meant to be mean it’s just… after the walk I was like:
- He’s a random dude you tried to get to know. PERSPECTIVE CHECK!!!! Why so much mental bandwidth allocated to him? No one else gets these priviledges!
- He’s not into you. He is like REALLY REALLY not into you. He’d rather jetison you to Mars or something.
- You are not into his foibles (they freak you out).
- He’s not really your type. God, he’s complex and defensive. I’m defensive. Bad combo.
- You sensitive writer girl, vixen and adventurer in dating? Are definitely NOT his type. Not even close.
Done. Enough. I left him alone. That still didn’t work. So now, well, I want to ghost him. But … UGH! I cannot get this human out of my head! Someone, please help. What is the deal here? I have guys asking me out on dates and I am focused on someone who hates me? Yeh, that makes sense.
But I enjoy the conversations so much. 🙁 So smart. So flippin’ smart. Sigh.
I hate it when a man makes you feel like you don’t have options. One time I showed him a screenshot of one of my dating profiles. Oh hai! OPTIONS! I don’t mean to brag because God knows I can attract the psycho’s but dating has never EVER been a problem for me. I have blogs to prove it lol.
I wasn’t pursuing him because I lacked options. I was interested because of some mental fireworks. I don’t understand it!!!! I’m acting like someone who can’t date (which is TOTALLY NOT TRUE!). Like he is the first guy to be nice to me? NO! THE OPPOSITE! Alright, I am still clearly hung up on him.
God damn it. Shift gears… shift gears… think positive and transition. Now I know a little more about what gets me excited again. Good learning. Moving on, post haste. Enough of these spinning tires. It’s counterproductive and pointless.
The new year was a flood of new profiles onto the dating apps I use. And, with it, a host of new messages. Swipe left, swipe left, swipe left…oooh, swipe RIGHT. Herro handsome! A few of those fellas. I am talking to one particularly interesting one now.
No fireworks though. 🙁 Not even the dollar store variety sparklers you get for the 4th of July. I mean he is nice and good looking but he has really bad grammar. And thinks his laptop is alien technology. Didn’t know WTF the metaverse is. He thought funnel strategy had something to do with beer in College.
Not.
Flippin’.
Kidding.
But hey look! Another pickle-pic for my collection. Seriously talking to new friends about making a coffee table book of them. With poems from the outer edge of online dating. 🙁 I will be in my blanket fort.
I Met a Nice Guy…
I’m not allowed to use this phrase with my friends. They know what comes next. I am going to talk about him. Evaluate him. Get to know him, and then decide how far into my psyche and heart I let someone go. Because the ramparts that are up are really good right now. If you are nice, and boyfriend material, you stand a chance. If you are female phobic or female hating? Or even female skeptical? Go back to your pub and lament women with your species.
I’m not installing training wheels on any man. Ever again. That being said, I am having a super-secret fantasy relationship with the Hello Fresh delivery driver. He’s my go-to when I want to dwell in a place of infatuation and elevate my blood pressure. Holy crap, those arms. That chest. He was wearing shorts so I got to see some thigh… and yep. That took me back to tingle-land.
I’m going to be just fine. It’s almost rutting season. And I have a little black dress that is dying to come out of the closet. And some new high heel knee-high black leather boots to pair. Hello boys… I’m back. Take no prisoners.
I am 48, a career professional, no kids living at home (step-sons) I live in Austin, have a cute SUV and according to my last night out, I may have some legit sex appeal. Cool. Let her howl. I only play a boring nice girl on TV. My vixen is screaming to be fed. Let’s do this.
Let’s play. Because men do it every day. And so will I.
