About Last Night


Domestic Abuse Divorce Midlife Debutante

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One of the reasons I write this blog under a pen name is so that I can tell the whole truth. The absolute truth about experiences I have. Without divulging other people that may be part of that story. While I may choose to live my life like an open book, as a writer, I don’t have the write to share other people’s private business.

Which is why there will be no more posts about why my divorce happened. That chapter is done. I purged it. It was the last page of one book, and I have started writing a new story. Of a happier life.

I got hugged today. It was unexpected. It was the grateful kind of exacerbated hug that was full of human emotion. Relief mostly. Connection. No, it wasn’t from some hot guy. It was from a lady that lives in my building. And her story deserves telling because there are many women out there, like her.

Domestic Abuse Divorce Midlife Debutante Blog
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Dog Alarm On Fleek at 4 AM

Last night, I stayed up late working. I’m not going to lie, the loneliness of the season is eating me up. I’m not jealous in a spiteful way. Watching my friends and family post stuff about the holiday. Their kids. Their trees. I have a tree too. I got a steal on a black tree and decorated it beautifully. It’s small and will fit neatly in a box under my bed. It’s not as glorious a tree as I had in my own house. But it is simple, lovely, new, and doesn’t remind me of things that could make me sad before Christmas.

I went to bed around 3:00 a.m. Sometime after that, my guard dog Buddy (Bud) went ballistic. The dogs are still getting used to not living in a house. They see people, they bark. We’re working on that. I assumed that my neighbor, the single divorcing mom, got home late. She works two jobs. One at her desk, at home. And another one that has her coming home after midnight.

She’s a beautiful girl. Like, stunning. I’ve seen her come home from her night job all glammed up. She may be a dancer. And I have no apprehensions or judgment about that. Some of my friends were exotic dancers at University. They made $500 a night and only had to work two nights a week to support themselves through school. Sans student loans. Hey, if you got it, and you are okay with it as an art form and profession, have at it. I don’t make $500 in four hours. Kudos.

I was tired. There were sirens again last night, but that is pretty typical of East Austin. It’s when I hear the gunshots that I get wired. I don’t have a gun. I’ll never have a gun. And lots of people who have guns, shouldn’t have them. At least here, in the notorious east side of Austin. Our own version of 8 mile.

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Bumping Into My Neighbor

I was walking back to my townhouse when I bumped into my neighbor. She looked upset. Worried. She walked up to me and started machine-gun apologizing for the noise last night. I told her I hadn’t heard anything because I was working late and dead to the world. But that my dog had heard something and carried on for a while. Much to my agitation. Bud is a good guard dog. I have no doubt that dog would die to protect me. And he is a comfort to single girl in the city.

She explained that her ex-husband had broken into her house and rampaged. He knew she kept emergency cash in her house. I did hear rummaging but I thought maybe it was her kids. It was him, trying to rob her of what little money she had. He grabbed it and tried to leave in his car. She fought him off and called the police.

Her eyes look flat. She is Hispanic and she has brown eyes as I do. She looked exhausted as she apologized over and over again. My heart broke for her. Once I had a boyfriend like that. Violent. But living at home with my parents, I was indignant to tolerate it. And one day when it got out of hand, the large guy who towered over me, put his hands around my throat. Once. I’ve had to defend myself a couple of times from a man like that in my life.

I know what that feels like. That fear. I felt it once this year too. And sometimes, I still flashback to that moment.

No Apologies Needed

I took off my sunglasses so she could see my eyes. Because I wanted her to know how I felt about her.

Me: “You don’t have to apologize. Ever. It’s not you. It’s him.”

Her: “But I am so sorry. The police were here. It was so noisy. I was worried you were going to be upset.”

Me: “I am. I am upset that he does this to you. But I am never upset at you. You aren’t doing anything wrong. You are having something really wrong done to you. Please don’t apologize. I really do understand.”

Her: “I thought for sure you would complain to the landlord. I’m going to buy a condo at the end of the lease but I need to stay here a few more months.”

Me: “That’s never going to happen. I know what you are going through. I know what you are trying to do. And it’s not easy with two children and your schedule. Listen… the only time I would call the cops is if I thought you or the kids were in danger. Swear to God. It would be to protect you guys.”

And that’s when it happened. The hug.

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She’s a little thing. Probably just under five feet tall. Because she got on her tippy toes and threw her arms around me. I had five dogs on a leash (but they like her). So my hands were full as she gave me a mighty hug. One that both touched and broke my heart.

Me: “Listen, if that happens again, I don’t care what time it is. If my car is here, I am home. You knock on my door, and you bring the kids. We’ll lock the door and call the police. Okay? You can do that anytime you need to. I want you to be okay.”

Her: “You are such a nice lady. Thank you. I have a new boyfriend and he is really nice. So my ex-husband is really getting out of control. But I am going to file a restraining order.”

Me: “I think that’s smart. If you are in danger, come to my house okay? Anytime.”

A Shift in My Heart and Feeling Human

Her smile was small, but there were tears in her eyes. Her sons are young and don’t speak English very well. Perro! Perro! 🙂 They like my dogs. And my dogs like the kids too. I think I’ll make them some Christmas cookies. And of course, some more banana bread.

As she walked to her car she looked back at me with such warmth. And I thought, is human kindness really this rare? I guess it depends on your life and who you surround yourself with. I just like her. He is scary. And I just want her to be okay.

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