No, it’s not a spelling error. This year in the quiet of my home and evening alone (I was sick and unable to party up with our family this year) I had some very happy, quiet time to reflect on what I wanted this year.
Some of my resolutions do not change. Each year I resolve to take better care of my health than I have the year before. I take detours on that but always fight my way back with one mission in mind; to stay on this planet as long as possible. I use some pretty cruel methods to enforce that inside my head as well. Know anyone else who looks at diabetic amputations, or death rate statistics weekly? I’m not a hypochondriac, but want to be hyper vigilant and avoid that thing I prefer to do … which is pretend I don’t have health issues. That denial stuff, is the most dangerous thing of all.
And so I smoked for two months. That’s gone. I am not a smoker, but somehow felt comfortable using stress as a great reason to escalate my rare social smoking into buying packs for myself (big mistake). I don’t want to be a smoker, and I don’t want cancer. I don’t want amputations or high blood pressure, nor do I want to do anything that works against a normal blood glucose. My last reading was 8.8… this year I get down to 6-7 in the normal ranges for good, but if I share that I’ve been in the double digits (thanks to stress) for more than three years … 8.8 is still a victory. Single digits for the win!
I’m tired of being fat. I am tired of clothes not fitting me correctly and I am tired of cringing when I see pictures of myself, unless it is the articulated posed selfie, where I manage to hide at least one extra chin. Getting healthcare benefits as a freelancer is expensive; we made that happen for Kevin and myself this month and going forward in open enrollment. Check! Now it’s time to get serious on my final fifty… and though I fear I may look like a wrinkle dog when I am done, my pancreas will thank me for fifty pounds less of me that it has to produce insulin for.
This year I will practice good nutrition, exercise and yoga. I will meditate, be creative, be ambitious and be balanced in my work life and family life. I will value my time, and ensure that those I choose to work with will value it also (this is important for balance). I will follow my instincts more carefully, avoid toxic clients (where possible … truthfully they are pretty rare) and I will work on getting published. Me. Not someone I work for. Me … Lori Ann Reese. It’s time for the ghost writer to invest in herself, and her own branding.
I will also catch bigger fish than Kevin this year. I will take pictures of every Xbox game I finish with my husband (the couple that games together stays sane together). I will find a Church I feel like I belong to, and make some new acquaintances here in Texas (some may become friends). I will go home to see my family (the ones that I love and remain close to me) and I will go on a special trip to New York State to see my special mentor and dear friend.
I will listen more. Talk less? (Seriously… stop laughing… I am getting quieter in my old age). I prefer to listen these days. You learn so much more when you listen, rather than endeavor to entertain, amuse or direct.
I will have a potted garden this spring/summer and teach our kids how to garden. One of them will be enthralled; the other will try not to fall asleep while I teach them. Lucas is as good as a daughter in so many ways (but … you know, in manly ways and stuff). My little chef/gardener/crafter/shopper and sensitive guy. Logan will be there when its time to eat the strawberries 😉 He prefers end results.
I will manage my anxiety better; and break the assumption cycle. I will ask more questions rather than presume to know the thoughts of others (since I am frequently wrong this makes a lot of sense). I will believe that intentions are good unless notified otherwise. I will focus on the good people, and ruminate less about changing those that thrive on gossip, malice, trouble making and lies. That’s their path; I have mine and my life is measured by peace, happiness and creativity, rather than dramatics or discord. I enjoy my quiet little life very much.
I will focus on what is right (not wrong) and what I have (not what I am missing in my life). That is how I think you honor the abundance of blessings in your life, which in my books, is the only wealth we really have. Gratitude repaints life so differently than ambivalence or bitterness, competition or malice. I will be generous in all ways I am able to invite that generosity and warmth into my own life. I believe in the compounding effect of kindness and generosity and it’s ability to change your life, and the world.
In January of 2016 I am happy, in awe of what my life has become and grateful for every person in it. I am the happiest I have been in ten years, and I am going to work hard to stay that way.
And catch really, really big bass. Just to piss him off.
The mantle I left behind in 2015 (hopefully for good) is outside opinion. What you think only matters to me if you matter in my life. And if you don’t, then it has no merit to me. I have learned that there are millions of reasons why people enjoy speaking poorly of others; haters are great at deflecting what they hate most, which usually is their own jealousy or disappointment (or fear) in their own lives. And I used to take up that mantle like I needed to prove them wrong; I don’t. I just need to avoid, ignore and focus on the good stuff (and people) instead. That for me, was the biggest growth that happened in 2015. I decide if your words matter. Keep “yo hate to yo self”… y’all I’m preoccupied with the here, the now and happiness.
I think that’s a great focus for a great new year.